Books
For readers who want to think it through
Some people like to approach these questions on their own first, with a book and some quiet time. I wrote these two books for them. Each takes the ideas I work with in therapy and brings them to bear on a particular part of life: loving a partner, and raising a child.
They are meant to be read slowly, and they are no substitute for therapy. If a book stirs something you would like to talk through, you are welcome to get in touch.
Atmosphere Press · ISBN 979-8-89132-956-0
Love, Authentically: The Existential Way
A Guide to Building Genuine Relationships through Existential Wisdom
This book is about love as something we choose, again and again, and not something that simply happens to us. I look at how freedom, responsibility, meaning and authenticity shape our relationships, and what it takes to stay close to another person without losing yourself.
I wrote it for readers who are single as well as those in a partnership. Each chapter brings together examples from real relationships with reflective exercises and questions, so you can apply the ideas to your own life as you read.
The book in three parts
- Laying the groundwork for authentic love. What an existential view of relationships involves, accepting yourself while connecting with a partner, what respect means to each of you, and the balance between freedom and responsibility.
- Embracing the deeper connection. The craft of honest conversation, existential anxiety as “the uninvited guest” in a relationship, turning conflict into connection, and the obstacles to authentic love.
- Keeping the love alive for the long haul. Creating a shared vision, growing together while staying true to yourself, keeping the spark alive, and loving in the digital age.
Buy from Amazon UK, Amazon US, Amazon India or the publisher.
Preparing for marriage? The Before We Begin course grows out of the same ideas.
Partridge · ISBN 978-1-5437-1067-0
The Courage to Parent Differently
Existential Wisdom for Raising Authentic Children
I wrote this book for parents who feel pressed by anxiety and by the pressure to produce successful children. It suggests another aim: raising children who are authentic and resilient, and who have a sense of purpose that belongs to them.
Drawing on Kierkegaard, Sartre and Frankl, I invite you to look at your own way of parenting rather than reach for techniques: a move from control driven by fear towards connection built on trust, and from managing a child's performance towards nurturing who your child actually is. Family case studies and “Reflection Pauses” run throughout.
Among the themes
- Anxiety, your own included, and how it can become a teacher rather than an enemy
- The “helicopter trap”, and how to foster real independence and competence
- Freedom and responsibility in family life, and how children learn the link between them
- Meaning-making in family life, and the legacy a family leaves
- Resisting cultural pressure while keeping hold of your family's own values
Buy from Amazon UK, Amazon US, Amazon India or the publisher.
A course for parents, based on this book, is in preparation.
Read a chapter first
I am happy to send you the first chapter of either book, or both, so you can get a feel for the ideas before you buy.
After you submit the form, I will send you an email to confirm your address. Once you confirm it, the chapter follows straight away.
Questions these books explore
These are not quotations from the books, only a sense of the ground they cover.
What does respect mean to me, and does my partner mean the same thing by it?
How can I stay close to someone and still remain myself?
What is my own anxiety teaching me about how I parent?
Whose idea of success am I raising my child towards?
If something you have read stays with you
You are welcome to write to me and talk it through. If you would like to read more widely in the existential tradition, there is a short reading list on the How I Work page. Replies may take a few days at present.